Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
