You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
