Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
