New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
