I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
