yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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