how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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