Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
