They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
