Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
