Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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