Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
