We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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