I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
