im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
