PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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