can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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