It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
