i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
