Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
