Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
