Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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