Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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