So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
