We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
