The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
