omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
