Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
