My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
zippers are such a cool invention
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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