so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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