So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
