I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think my fart just growled at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
