Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
