Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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