I'm so fucking centered right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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