guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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