guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
