I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
