omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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