She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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