yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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