i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
