I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Houston, we have a squirter
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
