Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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