shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
