May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
