I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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