her vagine was all disorganized.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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