How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
