remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
