walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
