dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
