There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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