Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
