No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well you can't waste a boner
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
