How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
