Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
