I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
