I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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