He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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