That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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