Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
