he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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