Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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