This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
