Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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