I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
