My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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