Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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