wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
